Was I an enabler?

I have known for a long time that prescription medication has its place. And I have also for a long time doubted whether ongoing prescriptions are necessary.

I mean, doesn’t the body have all it needs to heal itself? And doesn’t any illness we have, come from either abusing our bodies in some way, or not listening to the warning signs?

I am not judging, and at the same time I am furious. Furious at myself, and furious at a medical system that continued to prescribe anti-depressants and seizure medication to my mother. 

Not for 6 months, not for a year, or even 5. No, that would be almost understandable. 24 years of medication for conditions that were not even confirmed in the first place? That seems near on criminal to me. 

Yes, initially the medication may have been required, but to my knowledge there has only been one doctor who questioned my mothers scirpts, and that was a very good friend of mine, and doctor, Nijole Lloyd. 

My mom travelled to Australia, and needed her script filled, which is when I introduced her to Nijole. 

When I asked her for help in filling the script, Nijole told me that the specific medication my mom was taking – Rivotrol – was no longer being prescribed, and that the long term effects on being on that specific medication were very dangerous.

None the less, not wanting to wean my mom off of this medication, we filled the script, and kept going as normal. After all, she was on holiday, and I didnt want her to feel down, or have a seizure! 

And this is the point that I am angry with myself about. I knew now, beyond my gut, that this specific medication was not good from my mom. Yet, I continued to fill her scripts like nothing was wrong.

There are so many “what ifs”. What if I had gotten the right help for her to wean herself off of this medication? What if I had expressed to her how truly concerned I was with what she was taking? Could that have meant a different outcome?

So, why was my mom on Rivotrol? The back story: About 24 years ago, my mother was in a car accident in South Africa. It was serious. She was in traction in hospital for a few months and when she came out of hospital, I moved back to South Africa, with my then 3 month old baby, leaving behind my husband, so that I could help my mom recover and get her back on her feet.

This is when Rivotrol was prescribed – because she had had a number of black outs. Still today we don’t know if my mom would have a black out if she stopped taking it all together.

We are in the process of helping my mom come off of the drug, which in itself can be seriously dangerous. We have assisted her delivering all of her medication to her so that she doesn’t have to think about it. She takes around 30 tablets a day, of which only 2 are prescribed. One of these is her Rivotrol, and the other is an anti-depressant, which she has been on for even longer.

Now daily we are administering these medication to her, mostly herbal remedies. And in doing so, we have reduced my mom’s Rivotrol and anti-depressant by half, and then by a quarter.

This has been fine – we have not had any blackouts or epileptic fits, which is what the Rivotrol is for. So, what that says to me is that she has been over medicated for a hell of a long time, “just in case” something happens. My mom doesn’t drive, and hasn’t for about 5 years now. So, the only real danger is the fucking drug itself! And this infuriates me.

Aren’t the doctors that prescribe this medication liable in any way for her condition? If she doesn’t have epilepsy, why the hell would it be prescribed? I am in shock!

So, a doctors Hippocratic Oath says something about doing no harm… Well, sorry, but it seems that only applies to certain doctors. Part of doing no harm is actually knowing that what they are prescribing is not harming the patient. In this case, I feel very strongly that this drug, and the ongoing administration of it, has caused an issue in my mother’s health.

From the research that I have done, Rivotrol has been linked with Liver disease… and my mother has liver cancer. So why the hell is it still prescribed to her?

Looking up the details of Rivotrol, it says specifically that anyone with liver disease should not take it!

And what is worse, the side effects of this drug include seizures and dizziness. I am sorry, but how the fuck is that a solution for black outs and epilepsy?

And now I know why the anti-depressants have been necessary. Rivotrol causes depression! And it is not recommended that anyone with depression takes it. My mom has been on anti-depressants for longer than she has been on Rivotrol! So who is the genius that first prescribed Rivotrol to her?

I know that my mom is not innocent in this. By far, she is not. She is the one at the end of the day that put the pills in her mouth. What the doctors may not have known is that her reliance on these pills all add to the overall abuse on her body. In my mom’s own words, she created this. She is the one responsible for her own health. She took her body for granted.

I know all of this, but where is the responsibility to help people make educated choices about the drugs they are taking? I know we have to search for our own information, and that the web is filled with pearls of wisdom about many of these drugs, but at the same time, my mom started this medication way before the average person questioned the knowledge of a doctor. And certainly way before the average person could access the internet.

Maybe all of this is just because I am hurting. Because I want to wind back the clock and do it differently. I want to beg her to look after herself. I want her to be of right mind, present and with me for longer. I want to shake her now – her tiny frail body – as she lies their asking me to give her a Rivotrol. As she makes the case for why she should have one right now, and how it will make her feel better.

As she calls out for the very things that may be eating away at her liver, little by little, my hope diminishes in her finding her way back to health.

All I can do right now, is pray that she sees the light, and that her courage and her conviction bring her to an understanding of what her body truly needs in order to create a miracle.

Sources: http://chealth.canoe.com/drug/getdrug/rivotril